what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
