careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
