You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
