so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
