New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
