I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
