I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
