I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
