I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
