6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
