Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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