I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
