the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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