you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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