So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
