You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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