I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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