My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
