my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
