I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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