hell yes lets make some ravioli
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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