We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
