so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She needs sedatives and a leash
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
