You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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