hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this will be a night to untag.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
