It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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