every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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