Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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