you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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