Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
