dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
