There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
