So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
