I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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