I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
