someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
