see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize