i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
