I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
