like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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