ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
