I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
