At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize