If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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