This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
