Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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