Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
