I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
