I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
