mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
