You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
