you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
