...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
