The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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