tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
