This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
