My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
