There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
