ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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