I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
