I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
