Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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