just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
