trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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