My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
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He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown