im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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