mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.