and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
