I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
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do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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